told you so, jangan tidur lepas Asar

i hate waking up from an evening nap, feeling utterly pathetic and hungry. although there is a roommate, perfectly sleeping next to my bed, i still cannot conceal the feeling of being lonely and so fucked up. i woke up with troubled head, wanting to be away from this room, imagining i could just be spontaneous and get my trainees and hit the stadium to run. but i did not do that. i restricted myself from doing it because i don't want people to see me and judge me and say, 'now that is one lonely girl', and so i make excuses, procrastinate and end up whine about my not-so-awesome life. 

and when you are boring, alone and single, all the vile thoughts annihilate the serenity of being single and independent.  making you just like the commoners, the weakling female who fantasizes of finding The Man. i just told a man about how boring he was, he responded not to be in touch with me anymore, and funnily he has no guts to defend himself. or maybe he was deadly boring to entertain my childish talk. hmm, am i?

because i am bored and boring, i went through all the contacts in the mobile, with hope to find the suitable victims to hear me ramble about how awesomeness can be dreadfully boring. how i hate to realize that i have only the closest friends and colleagues' numbers, which means, very few male friends that i have, which also means it is a long time i don't have that cheeky girlish giggle, and fling with creature called man. there must be some serious damages with me.

i must be watching too much of Hollywood movies and series, apparently the yellow culture seems to give impacts that i am now thinking how blissful to be drunk and unconscious. i dont know how the taste of beer and whiskey because i consciously aware that it is 'haram'  but i certainly want the feeling of being forgetful, reckless, drunk, nonsensical, talking rubbish, acting cheap and being completely out of my head just for a night. have u had any of those crazy, wild dreams? is it a wild dream? eh?

obviously, i cannot stick to a topic. purposely wanted to write about the taboo L word, how this word makes me swoon, envy and naive in a sense, and how this word can be so repulsive, mean, brute, yet sweet. as you see, the points scattered all over, jumping hither tither, and end up merely rubbish. oh, maybe some other time about this L word.

after all, woman is just a woman.