Monday, December 15, 2014

Final post for 2014.

2014 is a good year for me. Finally getting a new job, one with unlimited medical cover and pension plan, and I am now engaged to a man and soon to be married. It is indeed, the best year I could ever imagine. Although I had never imagined myself of getting married at-this-not-so-early-age of 26.

Wedding will be next year, frankly speaking I have zero saving, but I have plans. Plans on how can I get all the money to pay for the expenses, and to tell you, wedding is never cheap. Of course, mom and dad are not the place where I can simply ask for a wedding fund, and so I have learned to accept the fact that i have to do almost everything on my own, and relying to no one's account but my own. But it's okay, I still think that it is manageable.

I received a bad news from mom, of a bitter news of my irresponsible brother. I don't know how to describe my feelings, whether to give a pity of his unfortunate path or to smack his head for his own recklessness and stupidity. And i feel hopeless, for not having a single man in my family that I can't rely onto. As much as I feel bad of this, mom is probably having her biggest despair at knowing her only son is an unreliable immature brat. This, the whole thing with irresponsible men in life, I wish I could just erase them in life, but it will never happen.

Accept it and live with it.

There is no easy way to change someone. And we will never know how ruined someone is until damages are done. I can't read my brother, nor my father. And the reason of why they can be so negligence, irrational, and irresponsible is something that I probably won't understand. To change for a betterment, it's coming from within. All of the consoling talks, the concern nagging are nothing if the person do not want to make a change.

Perhaps, millions of prayers are needed. No one can help them, it is only God and their own selves. I can't help my brother. I have my own vague path and typical everyday's problem. But I can help with advice, but never once, he listened to me.

Damaged men are hard to fix.

But I do believe that, when all else fails, He will help us.

Monday, March 3, 2014


Macam jodoh, we will never know how and when will we get that. I am still working in the same company and it is a massive lie if i say i am perfectly happy of being in the same stagnant position. Yes, i did get the promotion but the new knowledge and skills are not much to be learned.

Alas there is no point of lamenting this. put the faith to Allah the Almighty and all is well. Because it is only Him who knows what best for you. Therefore, believe.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

a toss of a new year

Writing this down via mobile phone is pretty much nerve-wrecking. God knows how much i have missed writing and blogging and so this attempt is probably my final piece before i shut this down forever.

So here are little updates on my life.

1. Still at the current working place. Of course, declaring this line is considered as one of my greatest shame, alas who am i to choose the future path. It's from Him i will get and to Him i shall give my faith. Waiting is a pain and patience is certainly not my virtue, hence the frustration. 2013 had made me crying too much, especially when seeing your good friends bade their final goodbye to us.

2. I have lost my beloved grandma. Albeit the past, i must say this is a great ending for her illness. The only regret i had is how inconsiderate the relatives for not informing me much earlier of her condition. Alas, i am hoping the best for her in the afterlife and my prayer and thoughts will always be with her.

3. Finally moved into our own house. The key was received somewhere in September and fortunately i was on mandate leave at that time. Prepping the house to dwell in cost a lot, with the grilled gate, electricity, wiring, light and fixtures. Thankfully i was being promoted, hence the increment, i manage to breathe easy at this point of time. The increment is not that much but that certainly help me to pay the bill.

4. I have met the one. Well i am not entirely sure of this decision but his seriousness blew me off my feet. A proposal of future plan, the meet up with the parents and talks on wedding plan, these are certainly not in my 2013 list but it happened, right now at this moment. A totally unexpected occurence and i am blessed to be loved this much.

5. Finally over that worst nightmare of ghe twins. Although the elder had made an attempt to hang out, but this time around, no no signor. Pack your bullshit elsewhere, i am flushing you down the loo.

2014, i welcome you with all my heart. I know it will be a tough year, with the gst, the price hike and the need to have a constant saving despite of the debtful commitment, 2014 is not the year to spend unconsciously. It is a year of frugal, a lot tougher and i hope a better one.