Monday, December 15, 2014

Final post for 2014.

2014 is a good year for me. Finally getting a new job, one with unlimited medical cover and pension plan, and I am now engaged to a man and soon to be married. It is indeed, the best year I could ever imagine. Although I had never imagined myself of getting married at-this-not-so-early-age of 26.

Wedding will be next year, frankly speaking I have zero saving, but I have plans. Plans on how can I get all the money to pay for the expenses, and to tell you, wedding is never cheap. Of course, mom and dad are not the place where I can simply ask for a wedding fund, and so I have learned to accept the fact that i have to do almost everything on my own, and relying to no one's account but my own. But it's okay, I still think that it is manageable.

I received a bad news from mom, of a bitter news of my irresponsible brother. I don't know how to describe my feelings, whether to give a pity of his unfortunate path or to smack his head for his own recklessness and stupidity. And i feel hopeless, for not having a single man in my family that I can't rely onto. As much as I feel bad of this, mom is probably having her biggest despair at knowing her only son is an unreliable immature brat. This, the whole thing with irresponsible men in life, I wish I could just erase them in life, but it will never happen.

Accept it and live with it.

There is no easy way to change someone. And we will never know how ruined someone is until damages are done. I can't read my brother, nor my father. And the reason of why they can be so negligence, irrational, and irresponsible is something that I probably won't understand. To change for a betterment, it's coming from within. All of the consoling talks, the concern nagging are nothing if the person do not want to make a change.

Perhaps, millions of prayers are needed. No one can help them, it is only God and their own selves. I can't help my brother. I have my own vague path and typical everyday's problem. But I can help with advice, but never once, he listened to me.

Damaged men are hard to fix.

But I do believe that, when all else fails, He will help us.