Tuesday, January 20, 2015

An impulse writing.

I have cried myself to sleep.

Maybe it's true that engagement is the hardest part of relationship, when you can get pissed on tiny matters, which lead to another matter.

The way I see a problem is through tiny details. Because I believe, every problem is rooted from tiny trivial matter.

With that tiny trivial unimportant matters, I can foresee where this gonna lead if I neglect what I have. Impulsively, I activate my own defense shield, guarding what I have from losing it to someone who has so little empathy in herself.

Empathy.
Understand and tolerate of what others' might be feeling, take charge of self control, know the limitation.

Lack of empathy leads to assholic traits of being a selfish, brainless and heartless person.

Maybe it is true, women hate each other, and women easily get jealous of other's possession, But I am a woman.

Expectation.
Expecting that people view at least somewhat closer to what you are thinking. Wrong.

Trust.
When one has no courage to speak up right up to you. Violation of trust.







Friday, January 9, 2015

Blah.

Wedding used to be cheap. Mom and dad, they both married using the parents' funds and I believe it was way cheaper than ever. And I, have to leave a huge hole in the pocket just to make a simple wedding.

Not try to complain about the wedding, because we all know, frugality is the key.

It is just that, I am sad. I am disappointed. Utterly disappointed. I don't even know how to express this but it is just so hurt. I can cry the whole day, but I will try not to.

I am not a good person. I may be an annoying friend, a little self-centered and narcissistic jerk, but when being a friend to somebody, I will do my best to be honest, sincere and try to be myself among them. But it is just so heartbreaking that I am being penalized for something that I don't even have a fucking clue, why. Or perhaps being penalized of being a jerk-ass and yet not even once being told that I am a fucking asshole.

Yes, friend comes and goes, but I don't have time to put up a fight or having to explain myself of something that I don't even know. Like fuck it. Fuck, fuck fuck fuck. I will just let the fire goes out. Let the sparkles die.

Life is tough, so I get it.

So move on. I wish that I can pack myself out of nowhere and bring nothing else but myself. Start a life elsewhere and be a fucking nobody. Make no contact, no intimate conversation and be a lonewolf.

Haha. I wish.

I do have a few who I love. And I will always do.

Cheer up.