it is the same usual feeling

this week i called my mom a lot. every day i tried to spend few minutes of talking about her day, what she had cooked for that day, my siblings, my grandma, all sorts of things merge into a rather short conversation, not more than 10 minutes. it is the same feeling of yesterday, i am missing her already.

November and December are not the happy jolly months for my family. it is because mom's nursery which most of the customers are teachers will not be sending their kids to our nursery and that means no ringgit flows in. it is an annual appalling condition that i aware and concern of but the need of asking her for money in order to survive within these final days makes me feel guilty and remorse to myself. it will be the same feeling until once I've started working.

the only person that i rely the most is my mom. what other options do i have when the money runs out. she is the only person that i hold onto. i don't know what would happen if she's gone earlier than she supposed to. going bonkers? living loveless is a sure thing. i really hope that everything that i am currently working on will be her greatest present in future and that is a promise. my affection to you will remain the same usual feeling i have for you now, and forever.