the hard heart game #self talk 4

the hardest part with the heart game is to stick with the mind's decision. mind and heart are two different organs, never in the same argument, always at the contrast path, declaring war to each other. numbers of time,  i had betrayed my own decisions, my newly resolved determinations just to follow that alluring call by the heart only to find it broken, shattered by ignorance. hope remains hope. dreams stay in sleep. words decay by time. alas, what's the point of lamenting this unsuccessful relationship with someone i aware of his meanness.

reflecting, i knew him by an accident and it was at the darkest of my day. naaaah, not really. i was perfectly happy and busy of being the greatest single woman on earth, and there he was, accidentally came ruining my prodigy, smearing my title.

i can't help but to feel embarrassed, to be opened up and so transparent with my own feeling. to pour things down, letting people know i had made mistakes, had once be a fool, these are not somethings i proud of. on the brighter spot, it is quite a relief that i prove myself straight, not some cold-hearted lesbian and most importantly i know i am perfectly normal.  the fact that i love guys has enlightened my soul!! :)

anyhow, i will be fine. though there will be a moment or two i will be thinking of him when i see a slender tall body, or when i smell the perfume of him, or when i hear that same sincere manly laugh or the funny lines we had, or when i am dying with absolute nothingness. not to worry, i will be nothing but awesome as i am going through this shitty phase of curing.

that's it i guess. i hope, crossing fingers, vowing in my head, that this shall be the final post of me ranting on a man like a loon.

oh well.