Tuesday, June 6, 2017

In the Blood


Last night, while we were on our way home, I had a moment of flashback on how horrible my childhood was. The thought flickered because I spent time watching quite a number of TV series that revolve around the world of sobers and junkies. I watched Mom, a comedy series of a sober and I has just started to watch Good Behavior cause I love Michelle Dockery and it is almost about the same issue. And it reminded me of my dad's dark ages. 

My husband is a very quiet man with very few words and so he seldom shares his opinion or thought. He shared stories with few, and I asked him did he share about my past to his best friend and he did. He did it because he was defending my nature of arguing to his best friend and winning it because obviously i had the worst nightmare compared to the three of them. Using pity card is not a noble act, but it is enough to make people shut off their whining ass. 

At this moment, I am no longer mad of people who offended my family, mom especially. I excuse my sister's selfishness because she was the one who stays with mom witnessing how derailed my father was while me and brother spending our teenage years in boarding school. I excuse my brother's reckless act because he doesn't have much good example in life. I excuse my dad's irresponsible sluggish self because it is in his blood. My husband excuses my constant argument because he knew I struggle for my voice to be heard. I just have to go on with life. 

 The past shape us differently and it is such a bless in disguise that it has made me stronger. 

So this morning, while working, I put John Mayer in my playlist and found a song that is perfect for my current soundtrack. I couldn't help but to share it, and cried a little bit while sing-along. he he


In the Blood

How much of my mother has my mother left in me?
How much of my love will be insane to some degree?
And what about this feeling that I'm never good enough?
Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?

How much of my father am I destined to become?
Will I dim the lights inside me just to satisfy someone?
Will I let this woman kill me, or do away with jealous love?
Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?

I can feel love the I want, I can feel the love I need
But it's never gonna come the way I am
Could I change it if I wanted, can I rise above the flood?
Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?

How much like my brothers, do my brothers wanna be?
Does a broken home become another broken family?
Or will we be there for each other, like nobody ever could?
Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?

I can feel love the I want, I can feel the love I need
But it's never gonna come the way I am
Could I change it if I wanted, could I rise above the flood?
Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?

I can feel the love I want, I can feel the love I need
But it's never gonna come the way I am
Could I change it if I wanted, can I rise above the flood?
Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?

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