a note to stand

I've got plenty of things to do but i keep hold it back, pretending that i've got all the time in this world. i am back to whine. i know it is terrible for one to complain and whine, but i am so tired of everything. the world tires me, the problems make me weary. the financial makes me unhappy like an old lady. troubles made me aging. i am not a 22-year-old young lady but a 40-year-old maid. 

right now, being with mom is the only thing i am thinking of. helping her with her daily routine with hopes it can take away all of her burden is what i am wanting to do. i hate my life. life is fucking unfair. and now being sick does not make me think of God. i know that there is a saying that a better life is somewhere out there, you just have to wait and keep on survive to reach there. what if i am tired of struggling with life? what if i need a rest and a little entertainment? what if i need a long good break to be clearheaded?

i should not give up. i know that.

so here's a note to myself, please keep holding on and please believe to yourself that one day you shall be successful. your mom will be proud of you. your family will be living happily. others will no longer underestimate your family. someone shall spare you the love that you never get from father. you shall be the happiest person in life. so believe that.

p/s: today's weather as solemn as my heart