tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67743271274106170222024-03-13T11:29:19.915+08:00Oh, Well!Occasional ranting spotTHESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.comBlogger103125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-41789288204514330682021-03-31T09:42:00.005+08:002021-03-31T09:42:52.413+08:00The Flood<p> I had a dream that I was in a foreign place. I was in a small stream that somehow led to the ocean. Suddenly the tide came along with the thunderous rain. The water was crystal clear, the kind of water that I would jump off. As the water rising up to my knees level, I ran to find the safe land. I went to the shore and climbed up to the hill and took cover in a place near the shop lot. I saw myself crying and screaming as I was alone. </p><div><br /></div><div>Of course, we should not believe in dream interpretation as it could be the Devil's thought whispered in your head, but I somewhat believe that there is a psychological meaning behind it. As we sleep, we tend to bring our problems, our sorrow, and excitement. I've probably been in a dire state of needing more support and magic words to make myself feel better.</div><div><br /></div><div><i>Rezeki</i> is something that is not within our hands. I have not counted my blessing and kept on hoping to get something that I believed should have been given to me much earlier. I wanted a promotion, but it just didn't happen. For the past three years, I blamed the backstabbing colleague who purposely sabotaging my chances which led me to the decision to move to a new department last year with a hope that it would change. Well oh well, it's not happening, and I have no one else to blame. </div><div><br /></div><div>The hard part is to fix the despair and to conceal the disappointment. I tried to console my heart that I am still new and still need more improvement at the given task, but come on! I did my very best though. I did receive a plus point for effort, but deep down I still want the promotion. I know this sounds very ungrateful but I just cannot hide my disappointment. </div><div><br /></div><div>And so the dream appeared, so clearly pictured that I did some googling on it. As I read the meaning, it symbolizes the despair of something that you cannot control. It is true. No matter how hard I want it, if it is not meant to be, it is not meant to be. It is easier to say and write this rather than accepting this hard truth, right! But I've gotta move on and put all my hope in Him as He is the ultimate power. In a situation like this, rather than relying on a human to give you the chance, I must shift it to the One and Only. Yes, it is a tough one, as you might compare your journey to some others who get it easier than you but hey, life is not a competition and this is Dunia Tipu-Tipu. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, as a conclusion to my <i>duniawi</i> need, I know that I will have to be very close to Him, upgrading more extra time for Him and believe in His plan. Sometimes, we wanted our life to be planned as what we have imagined, but you know what? To err is human. So just leave it to Allah and just do our very best in everything without hoping for any reward. Just be <i>ikhlas</i> and amanah. </div><div><br /></div><div>After all, you did your best, and adapting to the changes is not easy though. Don't be too tough on yourself, you deserve a new handbag. JK </div>THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-55876877548073238872020-01-31T16:32:00.001+08:002020-01-31T16:32:12.899+08:00Mental noteDear Self,<br />
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No matter how heart broken you are, please know that there is always a new chance for those who want to change<br />
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Misfortune and predicament will cease to end for those who believe in Allah's plan<br />
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Heartache will soon be mended. Sadness will creep silently as time goes by<br />
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For those who have been mistreated and betrayed, there is always justice for every tears and sweat<br />
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Afraid not of changes, take a new chanceTHESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-85692027646774769732020-01-17T18:44:00.002+08:002020-01-17T18:44:56.203+08:00A new set of pathI have asked to transfer to a new department that mostly will test my ability in writing and I have been accepted to a new job role as a content writer. <div>
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Sounds absurd as it is, I can't believe that I have the courage to kickstart my career again by doing something I have never tried before. 8 years of my working life I spent mostly at back-office operation and never got the chance to do much writing, unless it's email writing, but duhhh this is not even close to the actual write-up. So, yes, I am extremely anxious, wondering if I can do this or fail at this. </div>
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One thing that I have learnt from reading various material after googling the "content writer job description' or 'tips on content writing', I have to be super interactive, up to date and engaging, especially if the mission is to promote the products of the company. I have this brief idea that my task is to manage the social media account of our company.</div>
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With the emergence of instagram and twitter, I don't even bother click the full article. I am just like the typical netizens who just read the headlines and judging it quietly in my head. Good thing, as I get older, I don't feel the need to be in the society hence the silent reader mode. But now, things have gone differently (since that I agree for the transfer), it looks like I have to start to know how to engage with the netizens via social media.</div>
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Next, the editing skill must be top notch with zero error and grammatical mistakes or else it's a shame of my degree. This part is the most worrying because I know my weakness is the grammar. I really hope, with more practice and write up I can upskill the editing and get the flair of writing finance stuff. </div>
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Honestly I don't know where this gonna lead me, I might be excellent in this or I might be just another useless incompetent staff. But then I really want to try this at least for once in life, I want to proof that I can be a writer and ultimately I can improve and polish my language skill, at least.</div>
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After years of silent and laziness, this blog might come to live again. (I hope so)</div>
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No harm of trying though, just do it lah! </div>
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THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-3324531140341325572020-01-14T15:08:00.001+08:002020-01-14T15:08:12.667+08:00A humble 2020 vision<br />
2019 was a tough year for me.<br />
From all of the years, He chose 2019 to be the toughest year for me and on the very last day of 2019, I was still dumbfounded and confused of what to do next in life.<br />
<br />
A recap of 2019, it started out well as I was very lucky indeed that He invited me to visit Mecca and Medina, on January 2019. He then granted my wish for Abah to be healthy and safe on his own, and sadly Allah took him forever to be under his protection. Husband got retrenched at his work and months after he received a new job offer at local bank. I did my very best at work but rezeki was not even close because I didn't get the promotion that I think I deserved to get.<br />
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2020 started with a humble beginning. My motivation slipped away as 2019 closed its curtain. I had to rethink of my career growth, because I know venting out and lashing my anger to my dumdum boss won't change anything. So I started to lay my options out, its either 1) to transfer to a new department within the company and 2) to quit and applying a new job. For all you know, the second option is way too drastic and so I chose the option 1, after considering all the benefits from my current company.<br />
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The whole idea of changing to a new department is daunting, especially when I clearly aware that I had no experience in that line and my action was probably due to frustration. But then, after contemplating the possibilities, staying within the same department wouldn't help me going anywhere up to the career ladder and the percentage of another frustration could be higher than ever. And so I am willingly to move my ass off, learning new thing and becoming a junior again for the sake of gaining more experience and to mend my broken heart. Alas, all rezeki has been decided by Allah, I just have to give my best at work and life and if God wills, anything can happen.<br />
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So for 2020, I wish nothing but the best, to myself and everyone surrounds me. I wish to stay off from the office politics and need to steer myself away from toxic co-workers. It's the year to start learning new things, expanding my skills and mind my own shit.<br />
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<br />THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-89928562076119032182019-07-10T12:06:00.004+08:002019-07-15T16:47:27.279+08:00Father. Last Tuesday marked the day of my father last day on earth. He had been admitted to CCU for exactly two weeks and passed away in the morning at 7.39 am. He had multiple and major heart attacks which led to severe sepsis, kidney failure and many more. For two weeks, he was bedridden, semi conscious and very very ill.<br />
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I was with him till his final breathe. To be honest, it was not easy to be there, looking at him catching his last breathe, not knowing what he felt at that moment.<br />
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This post above was written a week after the death of my father.<br />
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I didn't post this because to be honest I don't know how to continue the post. Now it is almost 4 months after his death and I still think of him once in a while. The experience of witnessing death, the moment ruh left the body was something that you can't easily forget.<br />
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My father was a simple man, who had live to his fullest despite of his lack of responsibility towards family. Nonetheless, we regarded him as what he was, a father. We put zero expectation on his roles and once in a while we called him, took him out for lunch or did some quick shopping. He left no wealth to us, only meager sum of cash in his savings, no house as he lived at my aunt, no car only an old motorbike. On the bright side he left without debt and therefore almost zero problems at our side. Except that my father inherited an old shop house from my late grandmother. The shop was rented by a mamak to operate a small grocery business. It was around RM800 per month, small amount but I thought it was sufficient for him who didn't take up any loan or debt with bank.<br />
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So he basically left us with that shop house, which was the place that we grew up with. The shop house was the place that my father had spent almost entire of his lifetime, mending and taking care of the shop, assisting my grandma during their glorious years. Having said that, my siblings and I wholeheartedly decided that the monthly rental should go to my youngest adik as she's still studying in uni. I guess it was pretty clear that we are the rightful heirs and even by faraid my brother deserve it more.<br />
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Now this part is so cliche, it is so typical like our drama Melayu. So last month I received a call from an uncle, asking for the monthly rental and surprisingly had the guts by saying that my father had no right on it and the shop belongs to the sisters instead. Like seriously? It was RM800 and you want to divide it into 3-4 sisters? I just couldn't find the logic in this. I just can't understand how can someone turning into greedy and selfish human being. Clearly, the grant was on my father's name and this statement came from the elderly who lives in comfortable suburban house and monthly pension. It pissed me off, realizing how cruel one can be towards the less fortunate. Not even once, they called us asking how are we doing. Let me tell you, that old motorbike, the only transport that my father owned, we wanted to give it to one of the uncle whom we know not doing well financially, but instead the sister (read:aunt) apparently wanted to use it despite of many cars crawling in her porch.<br />
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Seriously, this pissed me off. I know that my father was mistreated badly while residing at their place. My dad didn't own a house. And now you're saying whatever he had should belong to the sisters. He didn't have a job, but my father was kind to them, never once he raised his voice despite of being ridiculed.<br />
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During the funeral, one of my aunt had the audacity to say, 'please forgive your father'. Asking that to your own niece in the middle of 'mandi jenazah', this aunt had no empathy though, she knew very well that I was the one who stood by my father on his final breathe. We held no grudge on him because we accept him for what he was, his weakness, his irresponsible self, his addiction. Whatever he was, he was still our father. When I was in Mekah, I prayed that he can take care of himself, be responsible to his own self, and Alhamdulillah at his end of life, I believe he had rekindled his relationship with the Creator. Allah made things easy for him. I am proud of his changes, and I know that Allah loves him so he took him away from us.<br />
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In the alternate universe, we could be one happy family when everyone plays the right role. None of us wanted to have a broken family. We cannot choose our family, our father, mother even siblings. But if things doesn't go accordingly we face it, accept and continue our life.<br />
<br />THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-10025510099956676092018-04-18T14:38:00.004+08:002018-04-18T14:38:53.816+08:00Deleting stupidI dont mean to be whine, but I don't want to forget this anger that I had this morning.<br />
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Politic in the office is as bad as the states politic. Rotten, manipulative and full of greed.<br />
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What I usually tell my friends, my current workplace is very much known as ' the Malay privileged nest' where some of the staffs received their education scholar and later on received their very first salary from this very own company, climbed the ladder to the top and finally become the management key of the company. These are the people who don't even have a clue about the tension of competing among the multiple races in Malaysia or being treated and paid unfairly because they always have the good side with them. Promising career, free overseas education, career escalator instead of ladder. So these kind of people, doesn't really able to grasp the work ethics from the outside because they are living in this comfort bubble.<br />
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So the company that I work with is probably one of the best in Malaysia, good remuneration, manageable workload albeit the culture is somewhat awful. We just had new Chairman and CEO who are very much forward thinker, it's a blessed, really but then, I am just the unlucky few who happened to work with a boss, whose his mind is so obnoxious and I just can't help but to dislike his mind. Have you ever met someone who you can't even have a healthy argument and cannot except anything else but blind obedience? Well, this man he ticks all the red box.<br />
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I believed that human has evolved from time to time and in this millennial world, we almost have the freedom of speech except that not everyone embracing the change. Having to penalize by being bold and open with my very own opinion without even being rude is just unacceptable. I don't know why do we need to spend hours in the meeting room, listening to the endless crap about your so-called strategic planning and at the end of the day you don't even want to know the ugly truth about our condition. Some people maybe the master of blind obedience,but I don't want to be deluded by the subtle dictatorship that he tried to plant in our head, trying to control every membrane of thinking cells in our brain.<br />
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Of course, there will be consequences of my bold move. I probably will be ignored or rated poorly, even now he has shown that he prefers the man with testosterone rather than woman who is fulled with estrogen. Nonetheless, I pray that my strong willed and mind will be recognized elsewhere, perhaps with other departments. For sure, not one single person on earth wanting to stay slaves for their whole lives, but then, like slaves it is all depending to the kindness of your masters.<br />
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Well the only master in the world is Allah, and as human we have faith to believe that the truth will always prevail.<br />
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<br />THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-31178089795950791872017-06-06T10:11:00.001+08:002017-06-06T10:11:38.135+08:00In the Blood<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Last night, while we were on our way home, I had a moment of flashback on how horrible my childhood was. The thought flickered because I spent time watching quite a number of TV series that revolve around the world of sobers and junkies. I watched Mom, a comedy series of a sober and I has just started to watch Good Behavior cause I love Michelle Dockery and it is almost about the same issue. And it reminded me of my dad's dark ages. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">My husband is a very quiet man with very few words and so he seldom shares his opinion or thought. He shared stories with few, and I asked him did he share about my past to his best friend and he did. He did it because he was defending my nature of arguing to his best friend and winning it because obviously i had the worst nightmare compared to the three of them. Using pity card is not a noble act, but it is enough to make people shut off their whining ass. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">At this moment, I am no longer mad of people who offended my family, mom especially. I excuse my sister's selfishness because she was the one who stays with mom witnessing how derailed my father was while me and brother spending our teenage years in boarding school. I excuse my brother's reckless act because he doesn't have much good example in life. I excuse my dad's irresponsible sluggish self because it is in his blood.</span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"> My husband excuses my constant argument because he knew I struggle for my voice to be heard. I just have to go on with life. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> The past shape us differently and it is such a bless in disguise that it has made me stronger. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So this morning, while working, I put John Mayer in my playlist and found a song that is perfect for my current soundtrack. I couldn't help but to share it, and cried a little bit while sing-along. he he</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In the Blood</span></div>
</span></span><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">How much of my mother has my mother left in me?</span></div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">How much of my love will be insane to some degree?</span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And what about this feeling that I'm never good enough?</span></div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?</span></div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">How much of my father am I destined to become?</span></div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Will I dim the lights inside me just to satisfy someone?</span></div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Will I let this woman kill me, or do away with jealous love?</span></div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?</span></div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I can feel love the I want, I can feel the love I need</span></div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But it's never gonna come the way I am</span></div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Could I change it if I wanted, can I rise above the flood?</span></div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">How much like my brothers, do my brothers wanna be?</span></div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Does a broken home become another broken family?</span></div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Or will we be there for each other, like nobody ever could?</span></div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?</span></div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I can feel love the I want, I can feel the love I need</span></div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But it's never gonna come the way I am</span></div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Could I change it if I wanted, could I rise above the flood?</span></div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?</span></div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I can feel the love I want, I can feel the love I need</span></div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But it's never gonna come the way I am</span></div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Could I change it if I wanted, can I rise above the flood?</span></div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?</span></div>
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-66316311572604733512016-07-28T09:35:00.002+08:002016-07-28T09:49:13.954+08:00Post-marriageWell, well, we're about to have our 1-year anniversary of marriage. How time flies, I couldn't believe that my last post was made before the wedding.<br />
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Here's the updates.<br />
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Marriage.<br />
Like I said earlier, it is tough. A real struggle to adjust our daily singleton habit into someone else's life and family. It is not majorly sweet and romance, we both have fair share of embarrassment and argument, but it is all good. Marriage is a workout, and giving up is not an option.<br />
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Fatness<br />
Speaking of workout, my waistline is actually bigger than your mama. I am growing fat and husband is eating non-stop. I guess he just discovers the joy of having his own space and so he eats almost everything that we have in the fridge. I find that cooking is my best place to pour my angst and having someone to eat all the food that I cook, satisfies me a lot. And so that explains the additional inches of my waistline.<br />
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Kids<br />
I am not pregnant yet and after the wedding my hormone went haywire that caused the period irregularity and turned me into the unstoppable eating machine. It is not a wild guess that the fertility is closely associated with healthy weight which explains no baby. So, I don't have an option but to lose some weight if I want a baby. Do I really want one? Well, I have magic touch with babies, they actually listen to me. It's almost natural that most of the babies found that I am their most like-able aunty (so vain, but so true). So, do I want one? Yes, I want to have a baby because it is the greatest distraction tool when I am angry to the husband. Ha Ha Ha. <br />
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Work<br />
We both commute from Shah Alam to KL every fucking day, which takes about 2 hours of travel period, every fucking day. It is tiring but what can we do about it, buying a whole new house in KL would cost half a million at least. Thus, just bare with it lah. Luckily husband able to get a new job which is nearer to my current work place and the parking rate is cheaper at my place. So win-win laa kan.<br />
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Family<br />
Well, my dad hasn't changed much. He is still a reckless man that I have ever known. Am I still angry with him? No. I just wish that he would sort out his life accordingly. Financially, I cannot give much, but I am training myself not to be stinky with my own family. I must say that within these 5-6 years, I have learnt a lot about giving and how the act of giving can ignite happiness, so let just hope that the virtue remains and I'll be happier.<br />
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Financial<br />
Well, credit card is such a nasty facility, but it is quite manageable lah. I'm in the midst of trying to clear my education loan, and at the same time saving for lasik. Speaking of my eyes, it is really bad, almost nearly blind but I kinda think that doing lasik is beneficial for the long run because the cost of eyes maintenance is not cheap either.<br />
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God knows how much I love writing but I haven't reading a lot now and my language skills is terribly rusty. In the meantime, I have short financial classes to attend, some petty task at work and Kim K games to attend to, so I am pretty busy actually.<br />
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<br />THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-66681854314504619762015-07-21T15:44:00.000+08:002015-07-21T15:44:09.772+08:00My kind of berhuhuhu10 days more till my wedding.<br />
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Huhuhuhuhuuhu. OMFG, I am getting married. Friends been told me, I am probably one of the most laid-back bride to be. Wedding is stressful, but I am tired of getting frustrated with sudden change of plan, petty arguments, money matters, family issue and many others irrelevant unthinkable issues that happen only to a bride. Hence, I can only play cool and berhuhuhuhuhu and pray it will turn out just fine.<br />
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Mental wise - Checked.<br />
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Yes, I do not overly excited about getting married, the fact that my life will be chained to some man's life, is not as exciting as I imagine it would be. But then, with all the unfavorable experience I had faced in life, I am pretty optimistic that marriage is just another phase and it is not all doom and gloomy and sad and black. Sure, it's gonna be tough, financially challenging to us, both. but that is what life is meant to be and we all know it won't be exciting if it is all flat and dull, Soooooo, will all the optimism and determination, I am quite certain that I am pretty much ready to sail through the sea of marriage.<br />
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Of kids. Hurm. It's a tough call. Between wanting to have it as soon as we got married, or wait until we are all ready. Readiness? Well, I do love seeing chubby kids but not sure how I feel about having one on my own. Can't even imagine it, will it inherit my big eyes or the slanting eyes from Adam. Taking care of babies, of course, I can deal with babies, I was a babysitter years ago. But me getting pregnant? be a mom? I can just berhuhuhuhuhuhu with the idea. Peculiar.<br />
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Of Bali. This is my favourite part because finally a vacation for a depressed mind is just around the corner. It seems that this soon-to-be-true plan, is lurking me to google the place whenever I found nothing else to do and oh I am deeply excited for it. Being frugal for a year is such a pain in mind and so this Bali trip a.k.a a honeymoon trip will be the best dessert for our event. Such a beautiful end to a stressful event, such a sweet ending to a year of travel-fasting. I am all excited to berhuhuhuhuhu.<br />
<br />
10 days more and I have not distributed all the cards yet, still doesnt have an off-white shawl for my akad nikah, still haven't bought the beads and blings for the wedding dress. So much to do and so little effort I have made.<br />
<br />
Whatever lah kan. Asal kahwin sudah. Huhuhuhuhuhuhu<br />
<br />
<br />THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-54909977178351226262015-05-21T12:18:00.003+08:002015-05-21T12:18:30.378+08:00Enlightenment. A friend suggested me to start a blog, perhaps on food or review of anything since I am pretty much a walking 'food-directory', little that she knew, I have a blog, the abandoned one.<br />
<br />
I do want to keep a blog. Being a writer has always been my dream but now that dream is just a dream. I have forgotten that I had once have this passion of writing and reading and these two activities are not even mentioned in my weekly nor monthly routine. I find it terribly hard just to finish a single book out of the many books that I bought once a year at BBW Sales, so left alone with the idea of keeping a blog alive.<br />
<br />
The years I am away from the blog-zone, I am struggling, swimming against the current of wanting to survive and get a job and career. Consequent to that, I am planning to take a MBA or Economics Master or Degree, get a CFA or CFP so I can climb further up to the corporate world. So much plans that drive me greater far from my once upon a dream.<br />
<br />
Do I lose my old self on my way of getting accepted in the corporate?<br />
<br />
I can't tell. For sure that I have a better mental check, emotionally stable, an okay salary with fat bonus, a good company to stay till retirement, a fiance that doesn't mind my bulging fat or wide ass, girly clans that threw out hens party for me. I am having the time of my life.<br />
<br />
Time has changed, so as perception, so as dreams. Perhaps writing a post once a month will help me better with my language work. Perhaps, I still have that writer dreams locked inside, waiting to be polished again. And I am pretty much believe that my soul has not changed a bit, since I am pretty much of the same bubbly moon.<br />
<br />
So much of optimism, I hardly believe that this is me.<br />
<br />
Hence, a foodie blogger or foodie Instagram-er?<br />
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<br />THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-32913585349060002812015-05-21T11:25:00.000+08:002015-05-21T11:30:34.526+08:00Incompetencies. I probably have found the company that I will stay for the rest of my life. Judging from my ample free time and ability to write a piece of rambling nonsense in a blog, this company is FTW.<br />
<br />
Anyhow, for my current position I am engaged in data and stats, and occasionally in charge of some translation work. Needless to say, I am pretty much in love with my daily task. But then, when it comes to translation, man, I am a disgrace to my English Degree, as it is proven that I am terrible at spotting grammatical error and translating.<br />
<br />
Maybe because I have not exercised the language much often as other coursemates or maybe simply because I am just bad at it.<br />
<br />
Still, I can handle this.THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-22257034812949511402015-02-09T10:41:00.001+08:002015-02-09T10:41:15.035+08:00It's always a random talk on feeling. I just have the urge to write. I have tonnes to talk about, knowing how rusty I have become, it is a hard work just to write. Currently, I am listening to Lay Me Down by Sam Smith, while secretly posting this online from the office.<br />
<br />
The company is in the hassle of restructuring, and I don't really have a task to do since I will be transferred internally. Finally I am able to run from the mundane routine, but then having much time to think and study in the internet are no fun too. Talking about work, I will be placed in the reporting team and will soon need to learn asap on how to deliver the performance analysis report. New thing, and it has always been my dream. I guess. The good thing in this "malay" company, they recognize my strength, and will probably use it till the end, I wouldn't mind of working too hard.<br />
<br />
Anyway, yesterday, a cousin from mom's side had delivered a beautiful baby girl and I took the chance to introduce fiance to my maklong. On our way back home, we teased each other on how ready we are to become parents. He is wholeheartedly ready, and I am still fidgeting, maybe half of it. But then, I always know deep down I have that talent of nurturing the babies. (talking about the past experience).<br />
<br />
Later on, we talked on how much I have grown to be. It is just that, I am indeed growing old and boring and I am not sure whether it is a good thing or a bad thing. These days, the journey towards our big day, is not a smooth sailing. We have fights over and over again over teeny tiny petty matters which later at the end of our day, we both agree those petty fights are beyond ridiculous. But then, as what as everyone been advised, these rows are normal and the feeling of 'idontwanttogetmarried' is definitely common.<br />
<br />
Sadly true, that I cannot get the joy of spending at this age, but then deep down I believe that I will get that fucking chance to travel around and spend like nobody business. And that would be probably after 5 years of it. 26, engaged and employed, credit-cardless. Checked. <br />
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<br />THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-46391540977057007042015-01-20T10:37:00.002+08:002015-01-20T10:41:40.392+08:00An impulse writing. I have cried myself to sleep.<br />
<br />
Maybe it's true that engagement is the hardest part of relationship, when you can get pissed on tiny matters, which lead to another matter.<br />
<br />
The way I see a problem is through tiny details. Because I believe, every problem is rooted from tiny trivial matter.<br />
<br />
With that tiny trivial unimportant matters, I can foresee where this gonna lead if I neglect what I have. Impulsively, I activate my own defense shield, guarding what I have from losing it to someone who has so little empathy in herself.<br />
<br />
Empathy.<br />
Understand and tolerate of what others' might be feeling, take charge of self control, know the limitation.<br />
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Lack of empathy leads to assholic traits of being a selfish, brainless and heartless person.<br />
<br />
Maybe it is true, women hate each other, and women easily get jealous of other's possession, But I am a woman.<br />
<br />
Expectation.<br />
Expecting that people view at least somewhat closer to what you are thinking. Wrong. <br />
<br />
Trust.<br />
When one has no courage to speak up right up to you. Violation of trust.<br />
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<br />THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-3655843857769320762015-01-09T11:54:00.000+08:002015-01-09T12:06:01.834+08:00Blah. Wedding used to be cheap. Mom and dad, they both married using the parents' funds and I believe it was way cheaper than ever. And I, have to leave a huge hole in the pocket just to make a simple wedding.<br />
<br />
Not try to complain about the wedding, because we all know, frugality is the key. <br />
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It is just that, I am sad. I am disappointed. Utterly disappointed. I don't even know how to express this but it is just so hurt. I can cry the whole day, but I will try not to.<br />
<br />
I am not a good person. I may be an annoying friend, a little self-centered and narcissistic jerk, but when being a friend to somebody, I will do my best to be honest, sincere and try to be myself among them. But it is just so heartbreaking that I am being penalized for something that I don't even have a fucking clue, why. Or perhaps being penalized of being a jerk-ass and yet not even once being told that I am a fucking asshole.<br />
<br />
Yes, friend comes and goes, but I don't have time to put up a fight or having to explain myself of something that I don't even know. Like fuck it. Fuck, fuck fuck fuck. I will just let the fire goes out. Let the sparkles die.<br />
<br />
Life is tough, so I get it.<br />
<br />
So move on. I wish that I can pack myself out of nowhere and bring nothing else but myself. Start a life elsewhere and be a fucking nobody. Make no contact, no intimate conversation and be a lonewolf.<br />
<br />
Haha. I wish.<br />
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I do have a few who I love. And I will always do.<br />
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Cheer up.<br />
<br />THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-77231001463280410082014-12-15T18:34:00.000+08:002014-12-15T18:38:16.713+08:00Final post for 2014. 2014 is a good year for me. Finally getting a new job, one with unlimited medical cover and pension plan, and I am now engaged to a man and soon to be married. It is indeed, the best year I could ever imagine. Although I had never imagined myself of getting married at-this-not-so-early-age of 26.<br />
<br />
Wedding will be next year, frankly speaking I have zero saving, but I have plans. Plans on how can I get all the money to pay for the expenses, and to tell you, wedding is never cheap. Of course, mom and dad are not the place where I can simply ask for a wedding fund, and so I have learned to accept the fact that i have to do almost everything on my own, and relying to no one's account but my own. But it's okay, I still think that it is manageable.<br />
<br />
I received a bad news from mom, of a bitter news of my irresponsible brother. I don't know how to describe my feelings, whether to give a pity of his unfortunate path or to smack his head for his own recklessness and stupidity. And i feel hopeless, for not having a single man in my family that I can't rely onto. As much as I feel bad of this, mom is probably having her biggest despair at knowing her only son is an unreliable immature brat. This, the whole thing with irresponsible men in life, I wish I could just erase them in life, but it will never happen.<br />
<br />
Accept it and live with it.<br />
<br />
There is no easy way to change someone. And we will never know how ruined someone is until damages are done. I can't read my brother, nor my father. And the reason of why they can be so negligence, irrational, and irresponsible is something that I probably won't understand. To change for a betterment, it's coming from within. All of the consoling talks, the concern nagging are nothing if the person do not want to make a change.<br />
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Perhaps, millions of prayers are needed. No one can help them, it is only God and their own selves. I can't help my brother. I have my own vague path and typical everyday's problem. But I can help with advice, but never once, he listened to me.<br />
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Damaged men are hard to fix.<br />
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But I do believe that, when all else fails, He will help us.<br />
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<br />THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-20557030845580075742014-03-03T22:21:00.000+08:002014-03-03T22:21:08.175+08:00Rezeki<br />
<br />
Macam jodoh, we will never know how and when will we get that. I am still working in the same company and it is a massive lie if i say i am perfectly happy of being in the same stagnant position. Yes, i did get the promotion but the new knowledge and skills are not much to be learned.<br />
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Alas there is no point of lamenting this. put the faith to Allah the Almighty and all is well. Because it is only Him who knows what best for you. Therefore, believe.<br />
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<br />THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-91978929359400575512014-01-08T22:59:00.000+08:002014-01-08T22:59:22.647+08:00a toss of a new yearWriting this down via mobile phone is pretty much nerve-wrecking. God knows how much i have missed writing and blogging and so this attempt is probably my final piece before i shut this down forever.<br />
<br />
So here are little updates on my life.<br />
<br />
1. Still at the current working place. Of course, declaring this line is considered as one of my greatest shame, alas who am i to choose the future path. It's from Him i will get and to Him i shall give my faith. Waiting is a pain and patience is certainly not my virtue, hence the frustration. 2013 had made me crying too much, especially when seeing your good friends bade their final goodbye to us.<br />
<br />
2. I have lost my beloved grandma. Albeit the past, i must say this is a great ending for her illness. The only regret i had is how inconsiderate the relatives for not informing me much earlier of her condition. Alas, i am hoping the best for her in the afterlife and my prayer and thoughts will always be with her.<br />
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3. Finally moved into our own house. The key was received somewhere in September and fortunately i was on mandate leave at that time. Prepping the house to dwell in cost a lot, with the grilled gate, electricity, wiring, light and fixtures. Thankfully i was being promoted, hence the increment, i manage to breathe easy at this point of time. The increment is not that much but that certainly help me to pay the bill.<br />
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4. I have met the one. Well i am not entirely sure of this decision but his seriousness blew me off my feet. A proposal of future plan, the meet up with the parents and talks on wedding plan, these are certainly not in my 2013 list but it happened, right now at this moment. A totally unexpected occurence and i am blessed to be loved this much.<br />
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5. Finally over that worst nightmare of ghe twins. Although the elder had made an attempt to hang out, but this time around, no no signor. Pack your bullshit elsewhere, i am flushing you down the loo.<br />
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2014, i welcome you with all my heart. I know it will be a tough year, with the gst, the price hike and the need to have a constant saving despite of the debtful commitment, 2014 is not the year to spend unconsciously. It is a year of frugal, a lot tougher and i hope a better one.THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-72172354641446008672013-08-03T20:56:00.000+08:002013-08-03T20:56:12.879+08:00A brief joy in Ramadhan 2013 Dearest blog,<br />
<br />
Was wondering who were kind enough to drop comments for this zombie-blog, how innocent I was that there were all spam comments. Here I am, wanting to write so badly and only now I had the chance to do so. I am in my holiday for Eid festive, and I am here with relatives and grandmom, feeling awesomely good that I dont have to get back to work on Monday.<br />
<br />
A brief of life now, the work life is nowhere good but the best updates in life is that I am no more hold onto the last memories of a psychopath man. Pretty much believe that I think I am in love now. God has not yet granted my wish for a better job and bigger salary but he sent me a man who can take me the way I am. A lot of time, I have prayed and hoped for someone who likes me the way I am, the one who thinks my clumsiness is the cutest yet silliest thing anyone could do, one who never wants me to change and one who understand my bitterness of my past. I probably have found him and am still in awe of shocks wondering how this could happen to me.<br />
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Of course, I am grateful. Grateful that I am no longer under the curse of the previous beast I had once. I need not to tell the incident as it brought nothing but a sheer disappointment, but given the chance if I could meet him again, I would smash his scrotum and hit his ball sacks so hard that he wont be able to make love ever again. That beast, had never done anything bad to me, although merely a mental/emotional abuse but it had killed the positivity in me, leaving me sorrow and battered with love. Yeah, for that horrible 2 years of forgetting and struggling with the recurring memories.<br />
<br />
So now. I don't have that 100% sureness that this new maybe "love" will lead to a better ending but I dont know why I just have the openness to accept him and let him be a part of my day. The fact that he wants me to include me in his future plan, is flattering enough but I certainly cannot deny the doubts that I have in me. Having all the time for myself, it made me realize and understand the reason behind all the bad choice of the bad boys I had in life. My fear of getting serious.<br />
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I still have much to write on, but, now is certainly not the right time. The fact that I haven't spent my days writing nor reading for quite sometimes, it does make me so so rusty in head. But honestly, I am pretty much happy these days and I wish this will somehow work on us.<br />
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A pinky promise to myself that I will give my best effort to work on this.THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-75365914042928949882012-11-23T13:03:00.001+08:002012-11-23T13:03:50.529+08:00monthly breakdownmentally exhausted is best described what i am feeling right now. i am all weary when it comes to living. never once i felt as tired as this time that i don't think i want to be that strong anymore. all i want right now is to be living with the love of my life, having no worries when it comes to financial, happy, and happy, except that i don't really have a special one.<br />
<br />
we all had moved out from seremban and now living in johor. the most northern part of malaysia. we brought particularly nothing only the little things that we have collected during the 6 years of living separately with dad. well expected, none of dad's family members made the last visit, bid us final goodbye. my dad, he was not even around seremban the day we were all busy loading up stuff to truck. sad, innit. but yes, life needs to go on.<br />
<br />
right now, we are staying in a small cheap house before our new house completes which will be on march next year. there are so much to do, so many to gain, so many to buy before we actually move in. that will be our very first house. i am literally cracking my head by thinking how are we gonna get the whole load of money for namely electricity, grilled door and windows, etc.<br />
<br />
mom used to open up a nursery for kids back in seremban. knowing she's getting old day by day, we all whole-heartedly decided to jump into food business since mom and my aunt, they both love cooking. the problem is, we have to start all over. from the very start, from a scratch. so for these few months, probably for the ongoing months, i am in charge of the financial matter. and as 23rd pampered girl, i am not sure how to confront this, but i just have to do it.<br />
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reality is such a bitch and it leaves me not even a glorified moment to remember. sometimes, like this time, my head would lure me to chase some rich bastard and get married and soon the financial crisis will be over. my salary would go to mom's account and i'll be spending the rest of my day spending the husband's money. that would be so so good eh. but misery doesn't end that way. i know giving up is certainly not the answer. marrying some rich guy doesn't guarantee an eternal joyous. so i just have to face this.<br />
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there are times, i would love to have somebody by my side. who would console my weary heart, telling me everything's gonna be fine. someone who would give me a comforting hug when all else failed. having to think of it, i don't think i can afford of staying in love, or being in love or to be loved. just not now. not when our family is at mess. not when everything is at worst.<br />
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the whole reason of this whiny passage is that i am suffering with pms. pathetically i am crying the whole moment while i am writing this down. yes, i am that weepy but weeping is comforting.<br />
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<br />THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-44374418084910796022012-10-27T02:35:00.002+08:002012-10-27T02:45:24.684+08:00pretty much of everythingdid i ever tell how i am longing the moment of this. this when i am typing down the words in this still silence of the night. i miss the times when i was able to sleep late in the night without having the slightest worry of waking up early in the morning. i miss the lonely single nights i spent doing absolutely nothing productive by watching my favourite series and having to click on some random articles. i miss my old life. i miss every single of the lonesome night i had back in penang.<br />
<br />
having the experience of your heart being toyed with curiosity of the vague lines between man and woman, i must say it opened up every unknown senses that i never knew exist in me. i am not traumatized somehow. i still want to settle down, one day. it just that i have learned a lot from the weeping experience.<br />
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the greatest gift i have in the present, is friendships and girlfriends. words cannot describe how grateful i am to be blessed with these kind people. i seriously would marry one of my girlfriends if they have the -y chromosome and the rising knight. frustratingly, nope.<br />
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family matters still suck. we plan to move out from my first ever hometown, seremban, and move to the most northern part of malaysia. i have no backup plan nor any plan on how we gonna survive, but i know that we just have to do it and God will ease out our journey. i had put on weights and still havent come out with diet/exercise routine and this weight issues, always draw the attentions from my ever-so-shallow aunties. relatives are major annoyance, i tell you.<br />
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still bitter to the restless girls at my age who are so badly wanting to get married. i just do not understand how a marriage can actually take away your present sorrow and guarantee the brighter day than you have now. hold onto this please 'when the time has come, it will come'. everything has written up there and live according to the God's plan.<br />
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of love affairs, i have none at this present. few came along, i can be picky most of the time, yet still clueless how i could fall for the last guy who made my life so so so in mess. so messed up, i cried up all night long whenever i talked of this to the loyal girlfriends ever i've made. and these people are the one who are never ever gave up on me. i have this thought, what do i really want in this man. is it love? is it his attention? is it sex? i cant tell you. what if he treats me good or find his way back to me again? do i still gonna have him in my life? am i really that strong to mend him? do i really want him to like him? do i want to live with him? this guy, i tell you is so so vulnerable inside. his ruined soul can creeps to your bone and rip your brain out of the head. real story!<br />
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work is sucks! but i have to have the money. i have to feed the devilish lust of shopping in me and i have to help out the family. i dont own a car and god knows how badly i want it. lucky to those whose parents can buy the car as if it is bicycle. me on the other hand have to work on it. i bought a house at johor. a small double-storey terrace that would fit the four of us. and i am still working at the same company.<br />
<br />
so yeah! for the sake of typing this out. i miss writing. i miss the tension of getting the right word to describe best my notion. i twitter a lot instead. now hating facebook with all my heart and butt. ok then. selamat hari raya aidil adha then. :)THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-62044265088410755682012-10-27T01:57:00.002+08:002012-10-27T01:57:35.151+08:00a remark of once a foolhow long since i last posting on this blog. how long i have been away from this dying page. and god knows, how badly i want to keep on writing and blogging, and only god knows how incapable i was to do so at this present moment.<br />
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it is end of October, changing of season and blimey, it almost the end of 2012. yet, i am still, still, sickly pathetically thinking of him. god knows, how good i am at digging information and god knows how broken i am at knowing the truth and only god knows the reason why on earth i am still thinking of him. can you believe it? after few men came along i found myself still having the thought of him. this is insane! as one of the sensible i cant believe that i fall for someone like him.<br />
<br />
crazy as it sound, i am still counting moments when i am finally free from his voodoo.<br />
<br />
this is the post i had written yesterday. i was not at the right mind, overly think of this petty matters. but i decided to publish this post. best to be a remark of i was once a fool and still a fool sometimes in the present. THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-16571719747430687902012-03-20T23:21:00.000+08:002012-03-20T23:21:27.906+08:00one more thingone more thing,<br />
<br />
as everyone aware of, we all know that in this recent world, with homosexuality, vices, sex, beliebers, gaga, abortion, divorces, etc all around us, women are left with even fewer choices of decent men. decent here includes stability in terms of financial and testosterone level, these two are crucial to the key of marriage. not forgotten, religion.<br />
<br />
but that is not exactly what i intend to talk.<br />
<br />
i mean to say that, no matter how terrifying the increasing number of the gay men and the extinct number of decent men in the world, these fearful facts won't change the way i am, the way i determine the guy who i should end up with. a best friend of mine who happens to be single and awesome as i, she is suffering with her college friends who hold onto a motto<i> 'don't be fussy, grab whoever'</i>. blimey, i am dying to soak these people into the black sea, making them less shallow.<br />
<br />
wait, i don't mean to say this, either.<br />
<br />
let me just drive you to my earliest intention, i can't simply grab whoever that comes knocking. call me obnoxious, self conceited, i don't think i should waste my time to some undeserved men. and i don't think that to get to the right man i have to hang out with lots lots lots of men. i simply can't do that. the man will come when the time has come. inject some faith and dignity, you will get what is best for you.<br />
<br />
soooo, that's it i guess. a piece of thought from the inexperienced, self conceited me.<br />
<br />
ohhhhh welllllll :3THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-62292280567500367182012-03-20T22:42:00.001+08:002012-03-20T22:42:02.574+08:00antidote, perhaps?my work life has made my mind blunt. unproductively, my daily task only requires me to go through the kyc of companies and scrutiny the transaction that occurs in that respective account. honestly, it is plain mundane. the only good part of my working life is the people around me.<br />
<div><br />
</div><div>now, talking about saving eh. </div><div><br />
</div><div>i save zero. the account bank is like the tap water, without the awareness to actually close the faucet, without the frugality to save a penny, don't even try to dig on how much dough i keep in my not-yet-exist-saving-account. </div><div><br />
</div><div>to defend myself, i do have valid reason of why after more than 6 months, i am still completely and arse when it comes to being frugal. </div><div><br />
</div><div>1st. i need to feed my temptation, by buying anything that i want, though it is not what i need, i have to get it on my own because if i don't get the things i want, i will never ever dream of getting it as i don't have a father who can swipe the things that i want, and to put the burden onto a mother who has already sacrificed way too much to the family is the least thing i would do. valid enough eh for one who doesn't always get what she wants.</div><div><br />
</div><div>2nd. expenses to the family. being the eldest, being the daughter of a useless father, being the sister of the siblings where it is only her that they can turn to, being the company of a single mother who relies to her first daughter, i am left with little choice. </div><div><br />
</div><div>true story. </div><div><br />
</div><div>there are sometimes, when numbers of bad memories sting this mental box, making me depress with the never ending problems, the insecurity of the future life. i wish there is somebody who can take the pain away, hold my hands to comfort me with hopes that things are going to be better. back to my little room, realizing i have nobody to rely on. no one to sooth my weariness. no one to share the burden, god knows how empty one can feel. </div><div><br />
</div><div>yes, i know the antidote of the sadness. that is to be positive, to remain strong, to be faithful to Allah and its power. but i can't help but to feel lost and empty, once in a while, of course. like at this moment. when i woke up this morning, i had this strange heavy feeling in my heart, that i was not being my usual self who would contemplate for 10 mins in front of the mirror, wondering what would look best in me. not even bother to keep my daily routine, simply left my face naked and bare its gloominess. the thought that it's gonna be temporary demised as i am still pathetically in this mood and typing this down with hope that the heart can spare a little space for jollier times tomorrow.</div><div><br />
</div><div>anyway, anyhow, as today is soo sooooo confusing that i am still unable to find the reason behind this sullen face. yet, i pray for better tomorrow. </div><div><br />
</div><div>p.s: the office was in flood today, funnily and strangely the piping system got leaked even though the building has not yet reached 5 months. </div><div><br />
</div><div>p.p.s: i might be joining samba class along with the super jolly colleagues. </div><div><br />
</div><div>p.p.p.s: and i am doing pilates tho i am not really good with it. still new but planning to do that religiously, :)</div><div><br />
</div><div>oh well. wish me the best, pray me stronger. </div>THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-56462809759187758272012-02-26T21:37:00.000+08:002012-02-26T21:37:41.000+08:0010howdy!!!<br />
<br />
1. typing this down at home, am blessed to be here with family. even grandmom is here with us.<br />
2. found a new obsession in making my own work attire, tops and dresses. not literally sewing it on my own as i don't even know how to handle that machine. it's mom's work hard and my idea that make the it a success.<br />
3. and now i am contemplating to sell it online. seriously, i have been raining by praises, asking me, wondering where i bought my tops. some sincerely suggest me to have my own label. hehe, a dream it is. lots more to do before i am able to make it real.<br />
4. bought a whole bedroom set, that includes the bed, mattress, wardrobes and dressing table. with my own effort.<br />
5. had just deactivated my fb account. i have no pleasure in it, off and away from it.<br />
6. sadly, i had cancelled the plan to rock the cranberries concert. lots to pay. saving is the priority.<br />
7. sometimes, i still think of him.<br />
8. i remind myself everyday that i am super awesome girl in the universe.<br />
9. starting to include prayer for future headless husband in daily solah. mom told, having a blessed marriage is not something you can get by luck, thus, start to dua' at this very moment.<br />
10.THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6774327127410617022.post-53470712914439282322012-02-11T00:42:00.002+08:002012-02-11T00:54:04.249+08:00the hard heart game #self talk 4the hardest part with the heart game is to stick with the mind's decision. mind and heart are two different organs, never in the same argument, always at the contrast path, declaring war to each other. numbers of time, i had betrayed my own decisions, my newly resolved determinations just to follow that alluring call by the heart only to find it broken, shattered by ignorance. hope remains hope. dreams stay in sleep. words decay by time. alas, what's the point of lamenting this unsuccessful relationship with someone i aware of his meanness.<br />
<br />
reflecting,<strike> i knew him by an accident and it was at the darkest of my day</strike>. naaaah, not really. i was perfectly happy and busy of being the greatest single woman on earth, and there he was, accidentally came ruining my prodigy, smearing my title.<br />
<br />
i can't help but to feel embarrassed, to be opened up and so transparent with my own feeling. to pour things down, letting people know i had made mistakes, had once be a fool, these are not somethings i proud of. on the brighter spot, it is quite a relief that i prove myself straight, not some cold-hearted lesbian and most importantly i know i am perfectly normal. the fact that i love guys has enlightened my soul!! :)<br />
<br />
anyhow, i will be fine. though there will be a moment or two i will be thinking of him when i see a slender tall body, or when i smell the perfume of him, or when i hear that same sincere manly laugh or the funny lines we had, or when i am dying with absolute nothingness. not to worry, i will be nothing but awesome as i am going through this shitty phase of curing.<br />
<br />
that's it i guess. i hope, crossing fingers, vowing in my head, that this shall be the final post of me ranting on a man like a loon.<br />
<br />
oh well.THESUPERMOONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15119788413225006984noreply@blogger.com0